Words by Ash Brooks | Pictures by Ethan Lee

In a hurricane

I kiss him

Shaking

With the world around us

Screaming at us to stop

But I crave the ecstasy

The pheromones

The deviant sweat

The hair that screams rebellion

I need to kiss your tears

Your scars

Your needles

Your bandages

I want to lay in bed with you

Swirling in our dysphoria

Our fear of ourselves

Our wet dreams of suicide

I lust to see my makeup

Smeared on your arm

Your face

The soft, warm area below your belt

Without you asking me to wipe off my mask

My drag—

The “T4T” tattoo on my heart

Could I be more obvious?

But I’m not sure if you need me.

Am I boy enough for you?

I’m afraid I’m not enough of anything.

Will you call me your “pretty boy” without gagging?

Your boyfriend?

Your husband?

Your soulmate?

Or am I just a thing of convenient intimacy?

In the midst of the writhing

Do you see a woman

When you take off my clothes?

With “fuck me here XOXO”

written on my thigh?

Would you still think I’m sexy

If my voice doesn't get any deeper?

If my chest doesn't get any flatter?

If I don't correct my parents when they call me

Their “baby girl?”

I should just fucking commit—

Make it easier for everyone

To decide on why they want to fuck me

Saving them a crisis of sexuality

But I’m sick of just fucking.

Subjecting myself to men who love women

Dead end, ending dead—

Longing for men who love men

Euphoric love, dysphoric life—

I’m trans enough for you to tolerate

But am I trans enough for you

To love?

So where do I go from here?

Ash Brooks (they/he, right) is a trans and genderqueer poet, film scholar, and traveler. They graduated from Mercer University in 2023 and work as a freelance copy editor and writer. They also have an uncontainable love for humans and life. Their favorite poet is TC Tolbert, who inspired them to pursue being a published trans poet. In 2023, they were published for their photography in their university literary magazine, The Dulcimer. They are also a published journalist in their university newspaper, The Cluster. IG: _ashhh_b

Ethan Lee is a student and amateur artist who enjoys creating colorful, vibrant artworks. He has previously been featured by NextShark and Variant Literature, among other publications.