Product Review: Women's Disposable Razors

Women’s Disposable Razors

5 stars

I don’t know if it was because of these razors or what, but they may have saved my marriage before it began! 

About a year and a half ago, my fiancé and I got engaged. Because of how expensive weddings are, we cut our budget here and there. A few examples include making coffee at home, take-out only once a month, and I switched to men’s disposable razors. Women’s razors are around 11% more expensive than men’s, so each week the switch has saved us a fortune. So much, in fact, that I also started using men’s deodorant, shampoo and conditioner, underwear, socks, you name it. Our wedding is practically paid for because of this. My fiancé has not been thrilled; he claims that I am too manly and emasculate him now. This came to a peak when I out-drank him in a keg stand at our friend’s bonfire. Due to this incident. he bought me a 25-pack of these Women’s Disposable Razors.

Needless to say, I was furious when I saw the floral pink package sitting on the kitchen table. I listened to my fiancé lecture me that I need to be more feminine and that there was nothing wrong with acting like the gender I am. After all, women have it easy. While he droned on, I plotted my revenge. In the middle of the night, I dusted off my makeup kit and hid all the men’s razors, and replaced them with these razors that he got me. In the morning, my fiancé was forced to use the Women’s Disposable Razors to shave his face. He came down to breakfast mad, with cuts all over his face. I told him he looked pretty, gave him his honey-do list, and left for the day

According to my fiancé, the following things happened to him that day and he blames the Women’s Disposable Razors: got catcalled while he was walking to his car, was given unsolicited advice at the gym about his form, and was told to shave his legs because they were disgusting, told he would pretty if he smiled while getting coffee at the coffee shop, had the mechanic try to tell him that his blinker fluid needed to be replaced when he brought the car in for an oil change, and – for me the cherry on top – paid more for all of his shopping products at the store. He came home, threw these razors, told me it didn’t matter what products I used, and hasn’t said another word about it. 

If I could, I would give 10 stars to these crappy razors.  

Caitlyn Sanow graduated from SMSU in 2017 with a B.A. in English. Currently, she is working as a Circulation Supervisor in a university library, and runs a writing group and workshop called Shitty First Draft.

Product Review: G2 Pens - Kill Your Darlings

Kill your darlings. I write these words over and over with my blue ink refillable Pilot G2 pen in a college rule composition notebook. My thesis isn’t gaining any ground but at least I have a great pen. There should be eulogies for favorite pens when they run out of ink, particularly in the crafting of a dystopia scene when survivors in a quest for hope and salvation in a land of scarcity find fear in the effort.

There are worse things to be passionate about, for instance coveting the UPS man when he delivers Pilot G2 pens. Writers need pens - for doodles, inappropriate caricatures and cartoons between flashes of written words. 

The G2 is The Pen Choice of Overachievers. Writer’s might benefit from the cushion to comfortably rest the thumb and first two fingers. Cursive writers will love the even flow, even the ugliest handwriting can be made beautiful with a G2. A clickable button at the top retracts the pen tip. The button discourages chewing. Clicks loudly in the café where writing coincides with coffee. The button also fits well in the hollow of a chin when mindlessly looking out the window when there is not ONE SINGLE WORD FORMING and a page remains blank.

There are occasions when ink smears from overanxious fingers or wrists that drag on the paper. There is no dishonor in the haste to get fleeting words onto the paper, smudges give written passages character. Pen owners should be aware that this is a pen often stolen by writer friends. Friends who have not sold their first novel or their first story. These friends are unable to purchase their own pen because $1.23 per pen is expensive. Sadly, they might not even be writing with a BIC ballpoint pen but something worse - the free pen from the bank. These pens are found on every counter, right next to the teller, imprinted with the bank logo and a teller who cheerily says, “Please, take one with you.”  The bank account balance is still dwindling. Share your G2’s without complaint.

When it is time to kill your darlings, a two pack of red gel ink pens should be sufficient. Ample ink to revise. Again. And again. Finally, a first draft. But red is not the only option, there are a variety of colors, including purple, green, turquoise and orange.

I do have one criticism of the Pilot G2 pens, which I am hesitant to share. The packaging is very clear in its pronouncement of smoothness but that does not mean free from obstruction or difficulty for the writer, only the ease of ink from the conical tip. The G2 is the best pen to jot thoughts on scraps of paper, to fill reams of paper with beautifully written lines and grand penmanship but it fulfills not the dissimulation of well written words on the page. That, unfortunately, is the work of the writer.

Stacy Boone (Mountainview ‘23) mostly writes about water or what humans are doing to the landscape.  Mostly though, she is just trying to find 20 minutes to write.

Product Review: F.Easy.D Mini Chain Saw

As a busy mom, I have little time to fuck with heavy machinery to tackle projects. Hence, my purchase of the F.Easy.D mini chain saw from Mom Will Do It. Com. It handles all my shit. From trimming branches to slicing town Christmas lights, it works slicker-n- shit. It's convenient, compact size makes it's great for traveling, especially at night where prying eyes can see. It comes with a battery which may or may not be good for the planet and gloves to protect your hands and cover your fingerprints. I was able to cut a six inch branch albeit after it moaned and shook like two sweathogs in the dollar general parking lot. Should a woman find herself alone or with a husband she'd like to be rid of, I can assure this chainsaw is up to the challenge. Five fucking stars.

Submitted by full time mom, part time Gladiator — Donna from Vermont.